Yes I know this blog is primarily set up to write about my bucket list, but I use writing as a form of therapy, plus worrying less is part of my bucket list!
I’ve read so many blogs about how people have learnt to cope and that’s been really helpful, and its so nice to know that there are other people out there who know how it feels and make themselves vulnerable in saying it to help others out. Writing this post is scary for me, but also something I want to do, I want to be more open with others and less reserved.
I feel like I’m at the beginning of my journey, and don’t know whats going to help or not, so just writing this out as a ‘this is the start of a journey lets see how the ride goes’!
Part of me feels like a fraud, what do I really have to worry about? I don’t live in a war zone, I’m lucky to have a job friends and family, yet I rarely have a day when I don’t have a anxiety attack, or even just a generalized feeling of worry.
I always feel like there’s people out there who have ‘real’ anxiety and my experience can’t compare to theirs so I should stay quiet and keep it to myself. Well that hasn’t helped so maybe writing will? I’ve kept a diary for years and it does help me calm myself down a bit, plus I can look back over the situation that I’m worrying about and analyse my feelings and how things are going.
Anxiety (for me anyway) is a strange thing, sometimes it affects general situations in my life to very specific issues.
Recently its been my heart, I have family history of heart problems and recently went to the GP for a routine appointment and they checked my blood pressure and it was high. From there my mind has gone from high blood pressure to ‘I must have heart disease’ complete with chest pain . (I have rechecked my BP and its come down from what it was 🙂 )
However I run most days and cycle frequently and never get the chest pain when I’m exercising, only when I’m at rest. Plus I I have a feeling its probably heart burn? It always seems to be accompanied with burping (sorry this blog got personal very quickly!)
Is anxiety and my mind so powerful it can change emotional issues into physical symptoms?
I’m wary of going to the Drs, I was always brought up in a home where you only went to the GP if you were really ill, plus I’m scared that if they did diagnose me with anxiety, they would then fob me off any other time I go to the GP, just putting any other illnesses down to anxiety.
Sometimes I just want to scream to make it stop, I want to get off this rollercoaster in my mind and get on a new one, something gentle and stable! Hehe nice cliche there that fits quite nicely tbh!