Ahhhh just when I think it’s ‘under control’ the little red monster comes back in one form or another. Usually it’s something like have I left the hob on, when I’m 50 miles away and can’t do anything about it.
Today’s been a bit more intense. Usually I avoid thinking too deeply about the future, I don’t have a big life plan, although like everyone I have dreams, most of which involve travelling and doing fun things.
Two things have kicked the anxiety off this time a) my brother bought his first house (yay go Richard, I am truly happy for him, he does deserve it) and then one of my housemates mentioned moving out. Cue overthinking to kick in. I’ve thought about buying my own house, but each time I also realise I don’t want to live on my own, I tried it before and it was so lonely, coming home to no one to chat too, plus the whole financial thing of paying a mortgage, bills, council tax etc which leaves very little else left over for anything fun. In the past I’ve concentrated mostly on enjoying my life and not getting too stressed about it, but now i’m starting to think I should start looking into buying a place. And the thought terrifies me.
I’ll be honest, I started writing this blog post a week ago and didn’t post it, on purpose. Its been part of my ‘dealing with anxiety’ to write out my feelings and reflect on them after a week, see how much of it was logical and something to be anxious about, or if its something I can be proactive in creating a plan to deal with whatever’s making me anxious.
- I was overthinking and panicking (yep I already knew that and I knew it would take a couple of days to calm down, but I also knew that it would pass, victory part 1); yes I should think about buying a house, but I don’t need to do it just because other people are.
- I am not where I was 8 years ago, I am not even the identical person to who I was 8 years ago; similar in a lot of ways but NOT THE SAME and things WILL NOT BE THE SAME….. I have a lot more hobbies now, I’m more confident in going out to meet new people, there’s no reason to be lonely.
- Even if my housemate does move out there are other options. I had a lot online and there are plenty of house shares (not ideal but I can work with it) around Cambridge. No need to freak out!
- I looked online to see how much I could afford or even if I could afford somewhere, yes it might be tight but its a possibility. Stop the negative thinking that I will never afford my own place, that its all going to go wrong blah blah. This has lead me to creating an action plan to deal with anxiety and and start planning for the future. I’m going to start consciously budgeting, by this I mean I am not going to waste money on little things that I crave on the spur of the moment (this is often food cravings or treats) and see how much I can save instead.
A week after starting this blog I feel more relaxed, yes I still feel a little tense about house stuff, but writing it all out has definitely helped, its like my own mini therapist. 🙂