Anxiety part two

Ahhhh just when I think it’s ‘under control’ the little red monster comes back in one form or another. Usually it’s something like have I left the hob on, when I’m 50 miles away and can’t do anything about it.

Today’s been a bit more intense. Usually I avoid thinking too deeply about the future, I don’t have a big life plan, although like everyone I have dreams, most of which involve travelling and doing fun things.

Two things have kicked the anxiety off this time a) my brother bought his first house (yay go Richard, I am truly happy for him, he does deserve it) and then one of my housemates mentioned moving out. Cue overthinking to kick in. I’ve thought about buying my own house, but each time I also realise I don’t want to live on my own, I tried it before and it was so lonely, coming home to no one to chat too, plus the whole financial thing of paying a mortgage, bills, council tax etc which leaves very little else left over for anything fun. In the past I’ve concentrated mostly on enjoying my life and not getting too stressed about it, but now i’m starting to think I should start looking into buying a place. And the thought terrifies me.

I’ll be honest, I started writing this blog post a week ago and didn’t post it, on purpose. Its been part of my ‘dealing with anxiety’ to write out my feelings and reflect on them after a week, see how much of it was logical and something to be anxious about, or if its something I can be proactive in creating a plan to deal with whatever’s making me anxious.

  1. I was overthinking and panicking (yep I already knew that and I knew it would take a couple of days to calm down, but I also knew that it would pass, victory part 1); yes I should think about buying a house, but I don’t need to do it just because other people are.
  2. I am not where I was 8 years ago, I am not even the identical person to who I was 8 years ago; similar in a lot of ways but NOT THE SAME and things WILL NOT BE THE SAME….. I have a lot more hobbies now, I’m more confident in going out to meet new people, there’s no reason to be lonely.
  3. Even if my housemate does move out there are other options. I had a lot online and there are plenty of house shares (not ideal but I can work with it) around Cambridge. No need to freak out!
  4. I looked online to see how much I could afford or even if I could afford somewhere, yes it might be tight but its a possibility. Stop the negative thinking that I will never afford my own place, that its all going to go wrong blah blah. This has lead me to creating an action plan to deal with anxiety and and start planning for the future. I’m going to start consciously budgeting, by this I mean I am not going to waste money on little things that I crave on the spur of the moment (this is often food cravings or treats) and see how much I can save instead.

A week after starting this blog I feel more relaxed, yes I still feel a little tense about house stuff, but writing it all out has definitely helped, its like my own mini therapist. πŸ™‚

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3 thoughts on “Anxiety part two

  1. Re: 1. For another perspective on the house thing. Just because other people are, doesn’t mean you have too. I’m dealing with a similar thing too. I’m in my 30s and I hear many times I “should” want a house, but I don’t. I live in an apartment. I have a set amount I pay every month. I know exactly what my expenses are. They’re no surprises. With house, you have repairs. In apartment, I just email apt people and they leave the supplies. Ex. I wanted to re-paint a room and they just left the paint off and I returned it when done. (The maintenance team here is pretty small so they have no problem suppling tools or material and I do the stuff and they keep up on their other jobs. I like doing the work.) After a storm, needed to fix a section of the roof. Nothing out of pocket. A couple years ago the fridge went out, nothing out of pocket. Vs. house- out of pocket. I hear, “but what about a deck and yard work?” “Adults” do that. What about it? Last summer I helped three different friends paint their decks. They got free labor, just supplied the paint/stain, and I got food. (It’s not that hard to convince me to help with something, just offer me some cookies. πŸ™‚ ) I see that as a win-win for both of us. Not sure if it’s same for you, but people I’m around see “house” as equivalent to “success.” Whereas I’ve always seen “success” is how the individual defines it. Not sure if that all makes sense, but just more like you don’t have to get a house because everyone is. And if you decide you want one, vs others telling you that you “should” want one, that’s fine too. I hope all that makes sense.

    Re: 2. “high five for personal growth! Not sure if you’re referring to anxiety (because topic of post) 8 years ago, but yeah, that’s hard stuff.

    Re: 4. Again, good luck on your budget, and those dang snacks. πŸ˜‰

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  2. Well done you for calming yourself down through your writing! Moving house is very stressful, let alone doing it on your own! I am often anxious for no good reason and my husband is the one that has to be my voice of reason. It’s strange how some of us can get completely up the wall about the smallest thing and it doesn’t even affect others one bit.

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    1. I find it wierd how something that should be stressful doesn’t always make me anxious yet the smallest most insignificant thing can make me so tense! I’ve found writing things out can help calm me down and gives me a bit of perspective πŸ™‚

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